Withholding tears makes you tired and angry. And ultimately, sick.

We all experience pain. And all of us experience sorrow. It’s just the way it is. It 's part of life . One day you find that laughing off your tears does not help. Neither working them off. Or numbing them out. Each of the above is a form of denial. Ways you've taught yourself in order to move on with your life. Usually after a disruption. Or setbacks. Something is not right. You do not get what you had hoped for; what you were counting on doesn’t materialize. In your childhood, at home, or at school. Now, in your relationships, or at work. Something involving children or family. Something unexpected might happen – with a big impact. Not fit, out of work, or your relationship dies. Illness or death, perhaps they suddenly get very close. It upsets you; it disrupts your life.

Whatever it may be, the question is: how will you cope with it? Often, your response is to just keep going. Survival instinct. You do not take the time to digest what happened. Neither the time for sorrow. You want to stay away from it as far as possible; you want to move on. All understandable, but in the end these strategies are not very practical. Because your grief accumulates inside you. Without being aware of it, those tears continue to sit deep down there inside you somewhere. And you try - unconsciously - to keep them there. You do not want to think about that big reservoir filled with tears. But meanwhile, it shapes you - more than you might be conscious of.

This is how a lot of repressed tension can be explained. You are tired and angry of keeping back those tears. Or worse, you may even get sick from all that holding back. Your behavior can give you clues. You may find yourself being loud or laughing the sadness away, or complaining or perhaps closing yourself off. Each of these is a form of repression. If you can recognize these behaviors, you can also begin processing them, to recognize what is going on. And to face reality: "This is my life. And it's not like I hoped." And then, embrace it: "But it's my life, it’s happening to me. And there is only one who can make some of it. And that’s me.” To create the passage to a happier life, where there is always something going on, where the odds can be in your favor or against you. Where you can laugh and cry. And where your tears may flow. Simply because they are part of life.

Dare to feel. I find it scary. But there is a reward. What I have noticed is that tears of happiness come easier if my tears of sadness are allowed to be present as well. I get moved when I feel what someone can mean to me. Or I tear up when something really hits me. That can almost hurt - in my heart. But I don’t let it get to me. My heart will simply have to get used to feeling something, and to the fact I’m OK with that. Perhaps it is the salvation of my heart. And ultimately, MY salvation. If only I dare to feel.

(Translation by Otto Driessen)

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